Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A variety of reasons...

I hate you for a variety of reasons.

I hate you because you made me believe that you cared.

I hate you because you're still not over someone who treated you so badly.

I hate you because in not being over her, you're missing out me and I'm missing out on you.

I hate you for not talking to me.

I hate you because I miss talking to you.

I hate you because you said you saw things in me that either you didn't and were lying about, or are lying to yourself (and me) about now. 

I hate you because I think you're lying to yourself and me now...and wasting my time. Therefore I hate you because you're a liar and a waster of my time. 

I hate you because I let you in, foolishly thinking you wanted to be close to me and that you cared about me. Scratch that, maybe I hate me for that. Maybe you just wanted to use me? 

I hate you because you have made me feel like I just don't matter to you. And I don't know why, because you matter so much to me. 

I hate you because you fooled me. 

I hate you because I let you fool me, scratch that again...maybe I hate me for that.

I hate you because you have screwed up my other relationships. And by relationships I mean friendships. And lots of them. I hate that if you were to ever meet my friends, they would automatically hate you (rightfully so) because you have treated me so horribly. 

I hate you because you have treated me so horribly.

I hate you because you have treated me so horribly and I want you to stop and start treating me the way you used to...with care and concern. 

I hate that you told me you didn't want a relationship, and then did things like told me you wanted to snuggle, kissed me, told me you wished I was there, told me goodnight for weeks on end multiple times, and asked me if we needed to stop before going to far. I'm sorry, maybe I misunderstood? Maybe you DO run around kissing all friends who are girls? Maybe you do sleep next to and snuggle up with all your friends who are women? My bad, I don't do that with my guy friends. In fact, I never have done that with my guy friends. The only guys I've ever snuggled up next to were guys I was interested in more than a friendship with. But. Clearly that's not how you operate. I hate you for that. 

I hate you because I'm sad and I miss you...and you haven't shown yourself worthy of being sad or being missed.

I hate you because I don't want you to find this and get upset with me...but...hasn't the worst already happened? Haven't you already told me that you don't love me and cut off contact with me? (Well...I did cut off some contact with you...because I didn't need to see your face and name in my news feed every 8 minutes...) But really...if you did find this and get upset with me...why do I care? Do you have any idea how upset I am with you? I'm pretty sure  you don't, and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't even care, I mean, that's what you've shown lately, so, good job on that.  

Most of all, I hate you because I don't really hate you and I wish I did. I wish the thought of you made me want to vomit, but it doesn't. 

2 comments:

  1. Autumn, I didn't say anything when I first read this, and I'm not sure why - but I know exactly how you feel with this one. Yes. I absolutely do.

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