Dad

My dad died 3 weeks ago Thursday morning.

I feel like there is so much I should say, but no matter what I say, nothing does justice to his life...or how much I miss him...or how much I wish we just had a few more minutes together.

I was home the week/weekend before he died...he couldn't even give me a hug when I left...and he was crying...and I should've known...I shouldn't have left...but I did...see I was getting sick and I didn't want to get Dad sick. Almost funny in a sick, twisted way I suppose...

Tonight I'm crying a lot...as in...a lot more than I have in the last week and a half or so...I just really miss him tonight. I want him back. I want to talk to him, and hug him, and sit with him...I just want him back...and I know that's not going to happen. I know he's better than he's ever been right now, but, I still, selfishly, wish he was still here with me, with us...but he was so sick, so miserable the last year especially...he really is better now than he's ever been, but dear God how I miss him so...