Five Months

Today marks 5 months since Dad died. It's just so strange.

Strange that we haven't talked in 5 months.

Strange that I haven't seen him in 5 months.

Strange that he will never utter another word to me.

Strange that he will never know what happens in my life from the point at which he exited it and that I will never know what other memories we could have made.

There are some things that aren't strange though...

It's not strange that I still miss him...he's only been gone 5 months...and I'm pretty sure I will *always* miss him.

It's not strange that I didn't cry today, because I cried myself to sleep Sunday night (and there may have also been a few tears Monday night).

It's not strange that I'm angry often times because I just want to talk to him and am frustrated that I want him to answer me...funny story about that...in my grief group our facilitator told me to talk to him, that it was only a problem if he talked back ;)

It's not strange that not a day goes by when I'm not thinking of him...and still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he is, in fact, not here.

I miss him, my dad. I can remember pretty much what I was thinking about this time last year, and I definitely wasn't thinking that in less than a year my dad would be dead.

It's strange, to say it out loud, to type it...that's strange. Sometimes I'm able to say it like it's not a big deal, like saying the sky is blue...however...usually the first time I say it {to someone who has no idea} I immediately break down into tears...that's not strange. After all, it's only been five months.